FAITH AND VEGGIES AND MY SIX RULES OF LIFE | CANCER
In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.
- Proverbs 3:6
It's funny looking back on all those so-called "rules to life" my mother instilled in me when I was young. Say your Prayers. Eat your veggies. Put on a little lipstick (preferably a sophisticated red, in her case). Always make your home a place of hospitality to others. The larger the purse, the smaller you look. And don't be afraid to sing- in the choir at church, silly songs around the house, and especially show tunes.
My mom had a bit of a vain streak, but she always made sure to focus on the most important things in life, like making church and your daily walk with God a priority while helping others.
So, what are my "Rules of Life" now that I'm facing cancer?
Cancer brings a whole different perspective to life, especially when it's terminal. Here is where I place my focus these days:
Get right with God. How are you spending your time? Scrolling through Instagram or spending time in your Bible and in prayer? I'm as guilty as the next, especially when my brain is fuzzy, and those no-brainer TV shows seem far more entertaining than concentrating on deep topics. Having trouble reading your Bible? I can't tell you how many times I've started a Bible in a Year reading plan, only to lose steam halfway through the Old Testament and then lose focus until I start again the next year. My brother, a pastor, gave me a tip to start a chronological reading plan. This type of plan gives you an overview of the most important events and people in the Bible as they happened chronologically. Here's a great 60-day plan from BibleGateway to get you going. Once you have a good overview, you can dig deeper, even looking to study books to help you grasp the true meaning. Some of my favorite Christian authors are the late Charles Stanley, Jerry Bridges and David G. Benner to get you started.
Get my affairs in order. It's never too soon to discuss end-of-life wishes with your spouse and family. Do you want a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate)? Do you have a Will? And don't forget to confirm that your beneficiaries are set up with any investments you have. If these are not handled beforehand, relatives might need to wait even one to two years to receive an inheritance. Who will help you make decisions if you're incapable of making them regarding finances and medical? Do you want to be buried or cremated? Do you want a memorial service, and what do you want it to look like? There are so many loose ends to wrap up before you go, even things as simple as your clothing. I asked a neighbor friend if she could take care of my clothing (donate or keep) after I pass so my husband wouldn't need to do it. He was relieved at the idea, knowing it would be very emotional. Need more help? I highly recommend getting an appointment with an organization that offers palliative care, which is the first step before hospice. They have wonderful resources for you and focus on helping you make important healthcare decisions. They know the questions to ask to get you organized, plus get your family all on the same page. There are often palliative care offices within your cancer center. Just ask your Oncologist for a referral.
Ask for help when I need it. You don't have to go through this alone. Many people in your life would love to help you during this time. I know that some people prefer to be more private with their situations. Still, I've found that by being open and honest with the people around me, I've created an amazing friend network that I can depend on to bring food and pick up groceries, and one amazing friend of mine said she'd help clean my house. I didn't take her up on that one, but wow, talk about friendship. People generally like to help out, so please let them. You just might find some new best friends along the way by letting people in.
Create boundaries if necessary to reduce stress with situations and people. There were many times during my surgery recovery and treatments that I had to say no. It's not my favorite thing to do; however, when you are not feeling good, it's better to pass on an event or get together than go and be miserable. Better yet, tailor the events to ways that work for you. Invite people over for a Bible Study, have a cookout in your own backyard, or even utilize Zoom calls to feel more comfortable at home and keep you connected. And drama. Don't let drama creep in. I try to avoid people who cause drama, but sometimes, like in the case of family, you can't completely avoid it. If the subject starts going awry, change it. If that doesn't help, excuse yourself from the table (or the phone conversation ) and say that you've had a wonderful time but need to rest. Protecting your feelings while you're dealing with such intense situations like cancer is crucial. One needs to stay positive and be uplifted by those around them. Perhaps this will also help the person starting the drama by shutting down their own negative behaviors, such as gossip, rather than going along with it. It sends a strong yet kind message.
Don't give up on my passions. Life is not over; you can still enjoy things you have always loved; you might just need to adjust things a bit while you're healing. If you aren't able to host a dinner party, maybe buy the newest cookbook, browse the pages, and take notes as if you were planning an elaborate get-together. I never thought I'd entertain again, but look at me now! Or if you can't travel, why not watch some travel shows, or even start learning a new language? There are so many things you can do from the couch, even, to help keep you up to date on the things you love, Some of the things that I've focused on while healing are my writing and hospitality. These are two of my favorite things, and I've found ways to make them work through it all.
Realize God can still use me while I'm here on Earth. Did you know that God can use you even if you are bed-bound? Yes, prayer alone can move mountains! God has a plan for you, and if you follow His will and direction, your life will still hold much meaning even if you can't leave the house. We live in a time where it is easier than ever to stay connected and in this day and age, it can be used to our advantage. There are many lonely people out there, and even from home, you can create new friendships by sending hand-written cards, weekly calls to check up on them, or even an online book club or Bible Study where you can connect with people online. Online? That's not real, some argue. I disagree. One of my very best friends is someone I met online through my magazine. She was a writer and shared her paintings for the magazine I published and we got to know each other well. And now, after many years of mostly emails, which then turned into phone calls, she's coming to visit me. In person! What an exciting time that will be. There are so many ways to get connected. Yes, even online relationships are genuine and can make all the difference. And again, let's remember the importance of prayer. Did you know that one of the spiritual gifts that God has given is prayer? Now, that's some powerful stuff.
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. A prayer of a righteous person, when it is brought about, can accomplish much." -James 5:16
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