DON'T QUIT BEFORE THE MIRACLE: I'M A 10

I had a hard time sleeping last night in anticipation of the email. You know, the email that I get every three weeks that basically lets me know if I'm closer or further away from death. Sounds dramatic? Perhaps. But, when you have terminal cancer, with each and every blood test you have, the stakes get higher, and the toll on your emotional health rises exponentially.

But today, the numbers proved even more significant since surgery can raise CEA blood test numbers. I'm not an expert in this, but my general understanding is that CEA blood tests are used with colon cancer patients as a marker and good indication of what your cancer is doing and if it is growing or shrinking. Of course, CT scans will give a much more accurate picture, but they are costly and spread out more, whereas the CEA tests are done every three weeks along with my other blood work and immunotherapy treatments. And apparently, "normal" is under 5.

When I first went to the ER with stomach pain back in February, it came in at the high 700s. Then, two months later, as my cancer had rapidly spread due to the aggressive type of cancer that I have, it was 3800. This was the first day that I started immunotherapy, and the numbers have significantly gone down, so much so that they felt that the surgery on my hernia and ostomy reversal would be warranted. Three weeks ago, I was at almost 28, which was a miracle in and of itself, but today would really tell the tale of where my cancer was going, especially after the surgery.

Would the surgery "anger" my cancer and result in more growth? This was my greatest fear as I coudln't stop thinking about it all night, knowing that today's result would be so significant.

I wanted the win.

I wanted the win for my surgeon, who took a chance and did this "dangerous" and "unheard of" surgery with someone in my late stage of cancer. And I wanted the win for my family and friends who have been calling, bringing food, sending gifts cards and letters, and praying continually. I have people worldwide praying for me and I feel so blessed because I know just how much prayer means. Did I tell you how amazing the people are in my life? Especially my loving husband.

The "You have test results" email came in and I felt a heaviness in my chest and in my heart as my teeth clenched and tears started to roll down my cheeks. I prayed to God, thanking Him for all the blessings He had given me so far. And how He had been there through this all, comforting me, loving me, reminding me that I am His precious daughter and that I truly do matter to Him.

No matter what the number was, I was prepared. I entered my passcode, and clicked on the CEA test result.

10.5.

10.5? Did I read that right? I looked again and there it was, I have gone down once again from almost 28 to 10.5 in just three weeks, even after surgery. Thank you, Lord for your many blessings, I cried, as I fell to my knees in complete gratitude and humility.

So, am I healed? Not yet. But is this amazing news? Absolutely. I will have even more time on this earth to live the life that God has planned for me, and a life with less pain, thanks to my brave surgeon, who took a chance on me.

No matter what I'm going through, or how difficult the day-to-day can be I won't give up. I'll fight the good fight and I'll keep God in the center of it all.

And mainly, I won't quit before the miracle.

Because today, I'm not only a 10 in my eyes, but I'm also now and have always been a 10 in God's eyes.

And today, we've truly seen a miracle.